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But first, a comment: so many of the letters
to me have come from young people in their early twenties,
which is really heartening and inspiring! I had recently read
the fascinating, but depressing, article by Benoit Denizet-Lewis
in the NY Times Magazine about the current state of teen-sex
and it left me feeling sad and dejected. It painted a portrait
of a generation of teenagers who are detached and indifferent
about sex -- too cool for real intimacy, with a "no big deal"
attitude about casual hook-ups, which often include oral sex.
Of course the article also confirmed what we already know
when we hear about teens and oral sex: it's predominantly
girls going down on guys and rarely the reverse. (Not that
I'm advocating oral sex to teenagers, especially when it's
conducted casually and unsafely, but teenagers grow quickly
into adults, and with double-standards taking root at such
a young age it should come as no surprise that sexual dissatisfaction
is the #2 reason for divorce in this country.
Here are a couple of relevant quotes from the article:
"Some girls told me that guys think
it's ''nasty'' to perform oral sex on a girl. So a lot of
girls will just perform oral sex on the guy ''and not expect
anything in return, because she'll know that he probably thinks
it's gross,'' Irene told me. But her friend Andi pointed out
that many girls are themselves insecure about receiving oral
sex; they'd rather just have intercourse.
'I feel like women have less power today,'' she said. ''It's
not just that the guy often doesn't respect the girl or the
girl's sexuality, but the girl sometimes doesn't really respect
and validate herself. I have a friend who's 20, and he goes
on the Internet and meets 16-year-old girls from the suburbs.''
He drives out there, she performs oral sex on him and he drives
home. ''Who has the power there? I think that a lot of the
times girls are really self-destructive.'
Okay, so that's a real bummer.
But now, on a positive note, I want to share some of the emails
I've received from young people that thankfully paint
a more optimistic picture:
Mr Kerner:
I have yet to read your book, but I just wanted to thank you.
I'm a 23-year-old male and I'm totally obsessed with going down
on my girlfriend. I think it's the greatest thing in the world
(I even prefer it over intercourse). Most guys I've known are
not keen on cunnilingus and I've always felt really weird about
my love for it. I just told my girl about your book and we really
want to read it. Thanks for making me feel like I'm not alone.
Dear Dr. Kerner:
I just so happened to click on a link which took me to your
website and I have to say that I truly admire your research
and plan to purchase your book. This site itself if pretty informative
and neither pornographic or deeply explicit. I'm of legal age,
and having not experienced giving oral, I'm very enthusiastic
about it and I know the feeling of insecurity with girls when
it comes to receiving. Good Luck in all your endeavors!!
Ian,
At first, my boyfriend was a little reluctant about me wanting
him to read this book with me (he has the kind of view that
there is no need to make something better if it's good enough
for him to begin with), but after I set him straight (a swift
kick in the head did the trick ;) he read the first few chapters
and exclaimed, "I'm gonna eat your sweet little pussy like a
champ!!!" Your book prompted a discussion of what I craved from
him during the whole act of lovemaking and it sparked some thought
on his part as to how limitless the possibilities are when it
comes to pleasuring each other. When he left to go home last
night, he "stole" the book from me (now I must wait to read
it in it's entirety), and told me "I realize you're an extraordinary
girl, and therefore you should not have anything less than extraordinary
pleasure." Not only do I think that he's genuinely interested
in what you have to say, I believe that from this he will gain
much more respect for my sexuality and gain a better understanding
of me in general, as I am an extremely sexual creature. I hope
that his sexually conventional habits are made more "colorful"
by reading what you have to say and by the discussions your
book had acted as an outlet for. Thank you again, Viva la vulva"!!!!!!
Hey Ian,
I have been reading the book and it's so good! My boyfriend
and I have been taking turns reading chapters. Thanks again!!!
Hi!
My book came yesterday and I'm finished already! It was great
and a big help. I can't wait to try my newfound techniques out
on my girlfriend. This was a fabulous gift- thank you so much!!
*************
That's it for now - for more personal responses to She Comes
First, be sure to peruse the reviews on Amazon.com and BN.com.
Viva La Vulva! |
