QUESTION: "Dear Ian:

I’m always complaining about my boyfriend, to the point where even my closest friends don’t want to hear it anymore. I know I should probably break up with him, but I’m scared to be alone. What should I do?"

ANSWER: Just recently I was lecturing at a singles event in Chicago when a frazzled woman in her late 20s stood up and started ranting:

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore, I’m always getting hung up on the wrong guy. And I’m not just talking about your usual pick of, you know, cheating husbands, perverts, manic-depressives, closeted homosexuals, illegal immigrants and ex-cons; I’m talking about some real losers. I swear I wish I lived in Egypt or Bangladesh or some place where arranged marriages were still taking place and all I had to do was show up. Because, clearly, I am totally incapable of trusting my own judgment when it comes to men. Even my closest friends are fed up. They say I’m like the Boy Who Cried Wolf, except I’m the Girl Who Cried Boyfriend.”

You know it’s funny, but as much as we bristle at the idea of arranged marriages, they’re actually practiced with great success around the world. And contrary to cultural misconception, arranged marriages are often easily annulled if they don’t work out. But the point is that, more often than not, they do work out. Why? Because you’re deferring to the opinions of those who know you, love you and truly have your best interests at heart.

But in our modern American culture, where we often stay single well into our thirties, we rely as much, if not more, on the advice of our friends. Author and journalist Ethan Watters describes this phenomenon as "urban tribes"- close-knit communities of friends that spring up during the ever-increasing period of time between college and married life and cover all functions formerly served by the traditional family.

But ultimately our “tribes” don’t carry the same authority as our families, so we’re likely to solicit our friends’ opinions without abiding by them, hence their frustration at your constant complaining and refusal to break patterns of behavior.

So if you want to win back the respect of your friends, but more importantly preserve your own self-respect and dignity, maybe it’s time to start acting on your instincts, heed your complaints and find a new boyfriend. As a sex therapist and relationships counselor, I can tell you first hand that it’s infinitely better to be single and miserable than it is to be married and miserable. So even though it’s scary, maybe it’s time to take action and move on – but take heart: as long as we have our tribes by our side, we’re never really alone.