QUESTION: "My husband and I have been married for a year, and we recently had a baby. Ever since then, my sex drive has gone down, and we just haven't gotten back into a sexual routine. I'm afraid he might go off and look elsewhere. Am I just paranoid?"

ANSWER: No, you're not paranoid, you're intuitive. As a culture, we have this fantasy that having a baby is the most intense form of bonding that a couple can experience. But, in truth, most marital dissatisfactions begin after the birth of a first child. And it's not just lack of sleep or new routines that leads to marital woes: it's It's the sense of emotional alienation that guys often experience.

Think about it: Post-birth, oxytocin levels in women are higher than ever, which facilitates an intense sense of bonding between mother and infant. Most women say they experience a feeling of "falling in love" with their baby, and this infatuation period often lasts as long the mother breast feeds, and very often longer. But increased oxytocin levels have a side effect of inhibiting a woman's testosterone levels. That's right women produce testosterone too --- not as much as men, but the hormone still plays a strong role in a woman's libido. So even after a woman has physically recovered from the experience of childbirth, she may be less interested in sex.

Many new fathers have told me how guilty they sometimes feel, particularly after their first baby's arrival. On the one hand, they're happier than they've ever been and would sooner lose their lives than see any harm come to their child or partner. On the other hand, they often feel like third wheels in their own homes. This sense of emotional disconnection is seriously amplified by the lack of sexual connection, which is why it's really important to find ways to make your marriage a priority and remain intimate. It's not about the sex; it's about the emotional connection that comes with sex, especially for men. For the sake of your baby, you need to remain emotionally and, thus, erotically connected to your partner for the sake of the baby and the well-being of your whole family.

Granted, you may be tired, uncomfortable, or just plain exhausted. I know it isn't easy, trust me: your breasts are swollen and leaking, you feel fat! I know. I know! But take it from a new dad, finding ways to maintain the sexual connection with your husband or boyfriend, whether it's through intercourse or kissing or just plain fooling around, can mean the difference between staying happily married or becoming a statistic. It's not your responsibility to bear on your own, it's your responsibility as a couple: use this challenging, exciting time as an opportunity to become more creative with oral and manual pleasuring. But mostly, make sure you make your partner feel important and desired too.