QUESTION: "My boyfriend thinks our sex life is great...but I've been faking my orgasms. What should I do?"

ANSWER: Oh boy. Speaking as a sex therapist and a guy, when it comes to faking orgasms, breaking the ice with your boyfriend on this sensitive subject is going to be like breaking an iceberg...and I assume you saw Titanic.

To keep your relationship from going down with the ship, I suggest you first attempt to navigate around that iceberg rather than confront it head-on. In other words, you don't have to let your guy know you've been putting on an Oscar-worthy performance. But, from now on, you need to take more responsibility for your pleasure and really let him know what works and what doesn't work. (The truth is, guys crave guidance, but we're too inhibited to ask for your feedback.)

Just try to concentrate more on what he's doing right rather than only pointing out what's wrong. For example, you can tell him, "I love when you do X, but I also love when you do Y." You can also clue him in by illustrating what you want, by putting your hand over his and directing his fingers to where you'd like to be touched.

In addition, you need to get your guy to spend more time on foreplay, taking you much closer to the point of orgasm prior to penetration. If you're unable to climax from intercourse alone (as is the case with so many women), have him bring you to orgasm (orally or manually) pre-intercourse.

Or, get some manual (or electric) assistance during penetration. Finally, you should try to have sex in a position that provides persistent, clitoral stimulation, such as woman-on-top or missionary, in which you're both focused on deep penetration, with lots of pelvis-to-clitoris pressing rather than rapid "porn-star" thrusting.

If your guy is flustered by all the sudden feedback, tell him that you feel comfortable enough with him to honestly express your desires. It's also a good idea to spend some time thinking about why you were pretending. Maybe you were afraid of bruising his ego, or perhaps you worried that he'd reject you if you told him the truth. You could have even felt like you had to live up to some false ideal of porn. Then, if he asks you point-blank if you were faking...or, if you feel compelled to 'fess up about your "performance"...you will be able to focus the discussion on your actions rather than his "action." Making it about you and shouldering the responsibility will help prevent him from feeling like a lousy lover.

Even if there are some awkward moments, in the end, communicating about what does...and doesn't...turn you on can only make sex better for both of you.