Cosmopolitan

Tackling touchy topics in bed: the guy's great, but sex with him? Well it's okaay, but frankly you're a bit baffled--sometimes even grossed out.
by Cara Litke

So Romeo is quite the pro at hitting home runs on the mattress while you're still stuck at first base. Or maybe your man is so quiet during sex that at moments you've actually contemplated calling 911. Bottom line: The sack situation leaves something to be desired. But don't kick an otherwise good thing out of bed. "Tackling touchy bedroom issues with your man can be uncomfortable, but as long as you're willing to communicate, get creative, and take action, you can work together to fix most problems," says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First. Here's how to deal with the most sensitive between-the-sheets scenarios and focus on what really matters: Having the best damn sex possible.

His Penis Is Small
It can be a letdown when you discover that your current beau's package seems, oh, about 80 times smaller than your ex's. However, according to Joy Davidson, PhD, author of Fearless Sex, bigger isn't always better. "A small penis tends to fit nicely against your G-spot, whereas a larger one can miss it entirely," she says. The best positions for that bull's-eye: "Woman-on-top and sitting on his lap, facing him, both maximize G-spot pleasure," say, relationship therapist Bonnie Eaker Well, PhD. Another trick: Pick a position that makes the most of his member when he's inside you, like doggie-style. "Reverse-arch your back so that you feel as if he's going deeper, and pulse your PC muscles to create a tighter fit," says Weil.
And don't forget that your man's hands and lips are pleasure tools too. "If he includes oral sex during foreplay and enhances intercourse with clitoral massage, the size of his member might become a nonissue," says Davidson.

He Smells Down There
When your guy gets hot, he sweats. And we're not just talking armpits here, ladies. But there are subtle things you can do about that skanky stench. "Invite him on a pre-sex shower date, and use it as an opportunity to lather him up," says Davidson. "Then tell him how much you love his clean, soapy scent." If you make a habit of taking tandem trips to the tub, he'll likely put two and two together and realize that you (gasp) would prefer a clean package.
If his hygiene still doesn't improve, you may have to be more direct. "Guys respond better to direct comments than they do to hints," says clinical psychologist George Weinberg, PhD. If subtlety fails, say something like "Babe, your package is a bit sweaty. Can you wash up?" And if that flops, a little motivational speech (a la "I'd be down there all the time if it smelled nicer!") couldn't hurt.

He Doesn't Last Long Enough
Some guys simply don't have staying power. But the good news? "Your guy is probably aware of the problem, so you can tackle it together," says Weil. Start by extending foreplay. "The more time you spend there, the longer you can make sex last because you control how excited he gets," explains Davidson. When he becomes too worked up, gently squeeze the head of your guy's penis. "This curtails the flow of blood and gives you time to catch up to him," says Kerner. Or try the stop--start method: As he nears climax, pull away and have him focus on pleasing you for a while. "Taking a break for a minute or so gives him time to cool off," Kerner says. Then start up again and repeat the process until you feel your own orgasm approaching and cross the finish line with him.
Another possible factor in his speedy delivery: nerves. "Many men think they're expected to make love like porn stars, which creates anxiety," explains Kerner. To alleviate his performance pressure, take control. "He'll soon realize that you don't actually want him to last all night long," he says. And if your at-home exercises simply aren't cutting it, a sex therapist or urologist can help.

He Doesn't Make Any Noise During Sex
"He could be a little shy about verbally opening up," says Weil. Or he may have no idea that talking dirty is something you're into. So take matters into your own hands by saying "I want you to tell me what you want--and how it feels when I do it" next time you're in the sack. Men who have never talked during sex are willing to learn once they discover how highly arousing it can be for them," says Davidson.
If he's still hesitant, approach the subject out of bed. Say "I want you to talk dirty to me next time we have sex," advises Weinberg. Then when you're in the act, lead by example by telling him what feels hot for you first.

He Can Never Go Again
Great sex can be broken down into two categories: the "Omigod, I can't move" and the "Omigod, I want to go again." The only problem with the second: He can't ... at least not right now. According to Weil, "Some men build up sperm more slowly than others." So if pushing to go at it again only backfires, spend a little time kissing and touching each other. "It may help ease him into another round of passion," she says.
Also keep this in mind: Guys' bodies are wired differently than ours. "Sometimes, he just can't go again," says Davidson. So just let him know how keen you are to do it again later on. And in the meantime, you could also request an all-about-you pleasure treat (oral sex?) to tide you over.

He's Not Alone
Turns out, as many as 150 million men worldwide suffer from some form of erectile dysfunction.
SOURCE: JED KAMINETSKY, MD, CLINICAL ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF UROLOGY AT NYU SCHOOL OF MEDICINE

What's Up With That?

Cosmo readers dish their not-so- common carnal concerns.

"Sometimes my guy can't climax at all.He says it has nothing to do with me, but I don't buy it." —Christina, 26	"I can't tell when my guy climaxes, so I never know when to stop, which makes sex awkward." —Faye, 23
WHAT'S UP	WHAT'S UP
"If he feels pressure to finish quickly, he may not be able to reach climax at all. Help him relax by focusing on his pleasure, not the end result. Alternating between intercourse and Viral sex or kissing is a great way to do that."	"He probably doesn't realize that there's an issue, so you need to incorporate the question into your sexual dialogue. Ask him to tell you when he's about to finish so you can finish with him. That way it will be sexy, not uncomfortable.

"The guy I'm dating cries sometimes during sex, but afterward, he acts like nothing happened." —Elizabeth, 24	"My man can only come in one position. It was okay at first, but now our sex life is so boring." —Maggie, 30
WHAT'S UP	WHAT'S UP
"They might not always show it, but guys are emotional too. It's likely that he's simple overwhelmed by his feelings for you and the intensity of the situation. But if it really freats you out, just ask him why he gets so emotional."	"That issue is probably in your guy's head, but as long as you are willing to experiment with other positions that give you pleasure and let him finish in the one that he likes the best who cares? It's a win-win situation."