Stop in the name of love!
By REBECCA LOUIE
Originally published on May 25, 2006

There's nothing more punishable than crimes of the heart - especially when you've been attacked by a repeat offender.

And victims of love often turn a blind eye to suspicious behavior, becoming accomplices to the offense.

But a new book lays down the law on bad boyfriends and the girls who fall for them. "DSI: Date Scene Investigation, The Diagnostic Manual of Dating Disorders" breaks down misdeeds and offers warning signs and advice on making it work.

"Every relationship that ends is like an unsolved mystery," says author Ian Kerner, PhD. "We often see ourselves as victims in these situations. We need to step out of the victim role and see ourselves as investigators, The evidence is all there in front of you."

Here are five "DSI" felons worth fingering in any love line up - and how to beat the rap.

The Perp: "The Cad Who Couldn't Commit."

Clues: You give him a key to your place but he won't give you his. He still keeps - and maybe even uses! - his little black book. He buys tickets for a trip he knows you might not be into. He suffers from wandering eye. He creates contention when things are going well, sabotaging a good thing.

Kerner's take: For the fearsome, "the next time you get that jittery crackle in your bones while discussing 'where the relationship is headed,' close your eyes and take a deep breath. Imagine it's ten years from now. Is that person still sitting across from you? If the answer is yes, say so."

The Perp: "The Guy Who Got Comfy Too Quickly"

Clues: His clean apartment becomes filthy. Champagne and caviar turns into leftover takeout. Regular romantic dates get cancelled due to "work." Gifts, cards and other romantic gestures disappear. He thinks it's ok to get busy while he's still dripping with sweat from the gym.

Kerner's take: "A woman may read a man's lack of attention to detail as a romantic slap in the face, while a man may consider the woman's diminished attraction a personal rejection, rather than a response to an unsavory setting. The answer is leanring to compromise on issues you may not understand, but still must do your best to accept."

The Perp: "The Married Man"...who says he'll leave her but probably won't.

Clues: He talks about family vacations for years to come. He buys real estate with his wife. He writes you cards and notes saying you are the love his life - then buys pricey anniversary gifts for his wife.

Kerner's take: "Women who are commitment-phobic often favor this type of scenario, since they can enjoy the intimacy and passion of a relationship without a long-term commitment. Even so, the finite nature, power inequity and lack of companionship generally lead to conflict, resentment, and depression."

The Perp: "The Man Still Hexed By His Ex."

Clues: He provides round-the-clock access to his shoulder for the ex to cry on when in need. He compares you to his ex. A organized photo album of his exes is on prominent display. While traveling, he visits her and drops lots of cash.

Kerner's take: "While it's good to maintain connections with people to have shared important fragments of our lives, there are limits. We cannot create a future while gazing at the past and ignoring the present."

The Perp: "The Disappearing Boyfriend"

Clues: He comes in five types. The Don Juan loves to woo and loves to leave. The James Dean is a rebel who panics when forced into social norms. The Don Quixote has delusions of grandeur and tries to pursue them. The Robin Hood leaves you to save the world. The John Cheever is a depressed recluse with a chemical addiction who views people who love him with contempt.

Kerner's take: Often, the "very act of fleeing demonstrates he is not a worthy choice." Fear of commitment is often "rooted in unresolved issues that had nothing to do with the person he was dating."