TMN: Which brings me to
my next question. Why doesn’t intercourse lead to orgasm? IK: The interior walls of the vagina have
comparatively few nerve endings. On many women, you can rub
them all day without much happening. Look, 1 in 10,000 women
are born with a condition called vaginal agenesis, which means
that they literally don’t have a vagina. And they can’t
have children without surgery, but they can still have orgasms
through the clitoris.
TMN: Orgasms are orgasms. IK: Just use Occam’s razor: ‘Entia
non sunt multiplicanda necessitatem.’ ‘One should
not make more assumptions than are absolutely necessary.’
Eliminate the concepts that aren’t needed to explain
the phenomenon. There’s no need to quibble over semantics
when it comes to identifying orgasms. The clitoris encompasses
them all. The tongue is far better used to produce orgasms
than waste time naming them.
TMN: And are people doing
it? By doing it, I mean clam lapping. IK: I surveyed a lot of people for my book,
and while there’s some truth in the stereotypes, there
were also a lot of surprises. As an example, there are still
guys out there who are freaked out by cunnilingus and maintain
a double standard when it comes to oral sex – no quid
pro quo. But surprisingly, or not surprisingly when you consider
that our culture is insanely fixated on body image, women
seem to have the worst problems with it – they feel
that their genitalia are ugly, or they have this stereotype
that men don’t like it. But a lot of men, most men I
spoke with, they love to go down, love to give and move beyond
their penises. And women have these messed-up body images.
TMN: Sex and the City didn’t
change all that, huh? IK: Even on that show, the women still exist
primarily, sexually, within the context of the male gaze.
The cues as to what’s desirable still come from men.
The idea is that men have to be pleased, and women create
their sexual identities in response to that. I’ve heard
over and over from women about cunnilingus that they’re
worried that they’re taking too long, worried he finds
it distasteful. Plus we have a media that focuses on genital
hygiene, menstrual symptoms. You’ll still find that
most women prefer to have sex in the dark or candlelight because
they think their bodies are ugly. So sometimes, as a man,
you have to assure your partner that this is something you
want to do, that it’s OK if it takes a while.
TMN: Sometimes it can be
a little ripe. Not at all in my current relationship, of course,
because my girlfriend is like a daisy. But in the past. IK: Yes. Gertrude Stein aside, a rose is
a rose isn’t always a rose. Usually a bad scent or taste
is a sign of an imbalance. Women’s genitals are a self-cleaning
system. Cleaner than most other parts of the body, including
the mouth. If there’s an imbalance, yogurt and antibiotic
treatments can help. One other thing about odor is, sperm
is highly alkaline. So if a woman is promiscuous, and has
frequent unprotected sex with different partners, the pH level
of the vagina rises and unhealthy bacteria can gain an advantage
for a time, until things balance out again.
TMN: What about menstruation?
Yea, or nea?
IK: That’s appendix six in the book,
‘The Scarlet Kiss.’
TMN: And your verdict?
All systems go? Earn your redwings? IK: Absolutely. You want to use a fresh tampon
and a washcloth. The tampon not only restricts any blood flow,
but also applies pressure against the clitoral cluster (what’s
typically known as the G-spot, but please would you want a
part of your sexual anatomy named after a dead German physician?),
which enhances sensation. This can be a great thing. But watch
it if you’re practicing safe sex – there’s
an increased rate of STD transmittal when a woman is menstruating.
