What makes me such an expert? Well, first off, I’m a man, so I am well qualified to write about male limitations (I need only look in the mirror). But, in addition to my chromosomal make-up, I’m a sex therapist, and I talk to women (and men) every day about their erotic and romantic issues. And what has struck me most over the past year or so is not the inability of women to read men’s all-too-clear signs of relative disinterest, but women’s passive decisions to sleep with, date, and ultimately fall in love with men they never really liked in the first place.

Take, for instance, the “curious case of the girl in the elegant black dress.”

Last fall I was giving a talk at a singles event in lower Manhattan when a stunning thirty-one-year-old blond woman stood to ask a question. Tall, attractive, and well put together, she was the picture of feminine confidence:

“I’m so fed up. I’m ready to be in a relationship, but I date these guys and it’s like an episode of the Bachelor – in the back of your mind you know there are all these other beautiful women competing for him, and he knows you know that, and these days waiting to have sex until the third date is almost quaint, so next thing you know, you’re hooking up and wondering why he’s being so standoffish and . . .”

At this point a guy in the audience shouted, “Maybe he’s just not that into you,” echoing the mantra of a book with the same title that swept bestseller lists and caused quite a stir late last year.

A smattering of laughter ensued.

“Possibly” she retorted. “But when I heard that title, you know what my first response was? ‘Guess what? I was never into you either!” she shouted. “If I really stop to think about it, I’m getting hung up on men I never wanted in the first place. And all the women I know feel the same way. We’ve collectively lowered our standards without even realizing it.”

“So, then why are you dating these guys?” I asked.

She hesitated, and then answered. “Because somehow it feels like I should be dating, but there aren’t that many great choices out there. And I guess I’m caught in something I can’t get out of.”

She thought for another moment.

“And, you know, because I like to sleep with men.”

Oh yeah, that.