Go down, young men!
Sexologist Ian Kerner talks to Salon about his new book, "She
Comes First," and why the well-trained tongue is mightier
than the "sword."
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By Corrie Pikul
June 2, 2004 | In contrast to
the hordes of Viagra fans who battle nightly with erectile
dysfunction, sexologist and author Ian Kerner once considered
himself a "sexual cripple" of a different sort.
It wasn't getting it up that troubled him -- it was sustaining
sexual enthusiasm long enough to please his partner (and himself).
Starting in adolescence and persisting throughout his 20s
and early 30s, Kerner struggled with premature ejaculation.
The mere sight of a woman's naked body could make Kerner lose
control, and as he put it, "foreplay quickly led to the
end of play."
Today, a happily married Kerner is relatively
free from premature-ejaculation problems; in fact, he has
taken the pressure off his penis completely. Armed with a
doctorate in clinical sexology, Kerner has devoted his life
to the study and practice of good sex. And awkward as it may
sound, Kerner credits his success at home and at work to cunnilingus.
Going down helped Ian Kerner get back on top.
But Kerner isn't keeping his sex tips to
himself. In an effort to educate men and women about female
sexual response, Kerner has written "She Comes First:
The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman."
You know those big illustrated charts that
hang on the wall of the gynecologist's examination room, the
ones with the detailed cross-section of women's sexual anatomy?
"She Comes First" is like the audio track to those
charts, as narrated by an everymanish Tom Hanks type. This
straightforward guide to cunnilingus explains everything from
odor to orgasms with earnest, educated wit. And while the
vulva-savvy woman may already know that "the female orgasm
is a complicated affair ... requiring persistent stimulation,
concentration, and relaxation," there are few men that
wouldn't benefit from the female-centric philosophy and techniques
that Kerner advocates.
Kerner hopes that "She Comes First"
will lead to the "next sexual revolution" and pave
the way for a sexual world where cunnilingus is not considered
foreplay, but recognized as "coreplay" that eventually
culminates in orgasm. For all its earnestness, the book lacks
the fire to ignite a true revolution, but it certainly provides
a blueprint for a new model of female-centric sexual play.
Salon met with Kerner at a cozy teahouse
in New York, where a flash rainstorm fortunately drowned out
much of our conversation -- at least to the ears of the curious
patrons seated nearby.
How do you think readers will react
to the fact that you're male? Have you gotten a lot of "What
do you know about the female orgasm?"
There is really a lack of understanding
in female sexual response in this culture, and a greater understanding
of male sexual response. My perspective is that female sexuality
is just as understandable, and can be navigated just as consistently,
as male sexuality -- if we choose to.
How would you suggest that men "get
to know" women -- their bodies, their sexuality?
We can learn a lot simply from learning
about and practicing techniques. I'm trying to educate men
about the female sexual anatomy and how to attune themselves
more effectively to female sexual response. It's amazing to
me that even with all the scientific biological knowledge
about female sexual anatomy that we have today, we are still
having the clitoral vs. vaginal orgasm debate. That really
stems back to the legacy of Freud and his interest in vanquishing
the clitoris in order to promote his own theories and ideas
about sexuality, which really ran counter to a lot of the
biological information we had at that time. That legacy is
somewhat firmly ensconced in our culture even in light of
the sexual revolution, even in light of feminist sexual understanding.
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