Sure, but no matter how much a man
educates himself or learns techniques, he can never really
understand what a female orgasm actually feels like. What
kind of research is the book based on?
The book is based on three dimensions: the
first is my own personal experience -- my own personal battles
with sexual dysfunction and my own desire to understand female
sexual response. So that dimension is rather subjective, because
in the end I'm just one person, one man. The second dimension
is based on my clinical work with couples to help them resolve
sexual issues in their relationship. The third level was the
research that I did, which included a lot of primary surveys,
interviewing people frankly and honestly about their sexual
experiences, desires and attitudes. I talked to about a hundred
people.
I read that you're happily married.
Did your wife play a role in the book?
My wife is a wonderful woman, and she has
been a bastion of enthusiasm and support.
OK, but not everyone has a husband who is a sexologist, especially
one who has written a book about oral sex.
How did your wife feel about your
research for the book?
I'm a private writer. I like to get everything
down on the page before showing it to anybody, even my wife.
So I think there probably was some initial shock on her part,
as in "Oh boy! This is going to be an interesting ride!"
Now that the book is finished, my wife likes to joke that
she is going on the book tour with me.
What about the sexual routines at
the end? Did your wife have any input? Did you test them on
her?
Sure! All of the routines at the end have
been put to the test, not just by me and my wife, but by patients,
friends, some of the survey participants, and people who read
advance copies of the book.
Speaking of those routines, were
they your own? How did you come up with them?
The routines explained in the book are based
on techniques that have been proven to help a woman consistently
experience an orgasm, whether it's a result of intercourse
or different forms of stimulation. Of course, I also rely
on my own experience. In addition, I spoke to a lot of women
about what works and what doesn't work for them. That helped
me get into the mindset of a woman, which you were asking
about earlier.
Did you speak with any lesbians
about cunnilingus? Girl-girl sex doesn't really come up in
the book.
No, it doesn't come up. Frankly, a lot of
sex books that are written from a bisexual or lesbian or alternative
perspective face the danger that they may alienate the average
heterosexual guy or the average heterosexual couple. I was
really conscious of bringing my message to mainstream America.
There are already books out there, written by women, that
deal with cunnilingus: "The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus:
How to Go Down on a Woman and Give Her Exquisite Pleasure,"
by Violet Blue; "Box Lunch: The Layperson's Guide to
Cunnilingus," by Diana Cage, coming out later this summer.
I am a straight man and I deal clinically with straight couples.
I think if this book were written from an alternative viewpoint,
it might give men an excuse not to read it or not to take
it seriously.
Where do you think men go to get
useful information and instruction about sex today?
A lot of men like to read women's magazines
like Cosmopolitan and Jane for sex advice because they feel
that many of the men's magazines are too glib, too lad-oriented.
With Maxim, for example, you often get five or 10 tips that
are more funny than practical and truly useful.
Many men get their advice -- unfortunately,
in my opinion-- from porn, which just reinforces a lot of
false conceptions about female sexuality. And a lot of information
comes from the locker room, which has more to do with myth
making and tall tales than reality. From the research I've
done in this area, women are much more likely to talk to other
women about sexuality and sexual techniques -- siblings and
other family members -- whereas men are not.
The Playboy Advisor does have a lot of great
sex advice and is written by sex journalists and sexologists.
Sure, but not many people are reading
Playboy -- much less the Playboy Advisor -- anymore.
True.
So what's filling that "Advisor"
role now?
Well, a couple of things. In the spirit
of "Sex and the City," there is in general a spirit
of female sexual entitlement, and that is leading to a new
generation of female-centric porn, magazines like Sweet Action,
organizations like Cake that sponsor female-oriented pleasure
parties, the Suicide Girls, so I think there is more of those
sorts of things going on that are starting to fill the gap.
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