Yes, we all know that women are going to college and succeeding
in the work force more than ever before, but when the US census
revealed that 51% of women over the age of 15 are unmarried
(compared to only 35% in the '50s) we couldn't help but wonder
if the two were connected. Maybe it’s our successful
careers and financial independence or maybe it’s because
we’ve realized there’s no reason to rush into
settling down—we can be as picky as we want. So what’s
a selective girl to do when she feels like no man lives up
to her standards? Savvy Miss turned to sex & relationship
expert and New York Times bestselling author Ian Kerner, Ph.D.,
for his expert opinion.
Dear Ian,
There is always something wrong with every guy I meet—they’re
either too bossy, too sloppy, or too cheap. I could go on
and on. I feel like there are no good men left. What do I
have to do to find a guy that’s right for me?
First off, allow me to commend you
on your high standards and refusal to settle for less than
you deserve. A good man is hard to find and I’m not
talking about quantity (the truth is that about 105 boys are
born for every 100 girls). I’m talking about quality.
What was considered “good enough” for your mom
or grandmother just doesn’t cut it anymore (sorry, grandpa).
Today’s women are smarter, better educated and more
successful than ever before. And it’s because of this
independence that women have choices. And more and more women
are choosing to stay single rather than settle for second
best. The problem with finding a good man is that you’ve
gotten way too good for us. Think about it: You women had
the Sexual Revolution to motivate you, but what have us guys
been doing for the last thirty years? Can you say “ESPN”?
That’s right, while you’ve been out bringing home
the bacon and frying it up in a pan, we’ve been sitting
on our asses watching sports and drinking Bud Light.
So why shouldn’t you be on the
hunt for a guy as good as you are? Successful, attractive,
educated, serious, clean.
But don’t get me wrong: I’m
not saying you shouldn’t keep the door open. It’s
too easy to get hung up on standards, or an “ideal guy,”
or what was drilled into our heads by our parents. As one
female patient of mine, a single real estate broker, said:
“Listen, maybe it’s because
of my job, but I approach dating like house-shopping. First
I pick a neighborhood in my price range. I’m realistic.
Look, I know I’m never going to live on Brad Pitt Lane
or George Clooney Avenue, but that doesn’t mean I have
to settle for a dump on George Costanza Row. And once I’m
out there shopping, I always factor in renovation costs—because
honey, I don’t care how good a paint job he has on the
surface, no man is in “move-in” condition. But
sometimes a fixer-upper is a good investment—especially
if he’s a good kisser. And here’s the other thing
I learned: Don’t be afraid to flip—life is short,
you have to live like the market is red-hot. Give him a try,
and if it doesn’t work out, then flip him and move on.”
To stick with Nancy’s metaphor,
stay optimistic. It’s a big market out there. Be open
to new neighborhoods you may not have been considering. Trust
me: It’s only a matter of time until you find a home
worth taking out that 30-year mortgage on.
