She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman is the first book to truly solve the mystery of female satisfaction. This book isn’t written by some guy who runs the film projector at the local grindhouse but is written by a clinical sexologist named Ian Kerner. Don’t worry I didn’t think there were clinical sexologists either until I looked it up.

She Comes First has taken America by storm and if you listen really hard on nights with a full moon you can hear the sound of tongues lapping and women crying from happiness.

Daniel Robert Epstein: Did Georgia O'Keeffe design the cover for She Comes First?

Ian Kerner: It’s very funny because I guess authors get some sort of input into the covers; I think it’s called meaningful consideration. But when they asked me what I wanted for the cover I said “Anything except fruit ripening and flowers blossoming because that has been completely overdone.” Then they came back to me with this cover with fruit and I got pissed off. But then I showed it to my wife and friends and they said it looked pretty good. Ultimately it grew on me.

DRE: What was the hard research for this book?

IK: I’m a sex therapist so I meet with a lot of couples here in New York City and I also meet with people via phone and email. So it was based a lot on my own clinical experience working with those people. Then for the book specifically I put together a research survey group of friends, colleagues and patients that felt comfortable with it. I would say there were about 100 men and women most in their mid-20’s to their early 30’s that I interviewed about their sex habits.

DRE: When you talked to couples did you find out that they just weren’t doing it right?

IK: The whole thing is that for me the whole focus on cunnilingus is not an end unto itself but really a means unto an end. One of the main problems in my practice are women who do not consistently reach orgasm as a result of intercourse and trapped in relationships where they are faking it or the only way they can get off is through masturbation. It’s not usually the main thing we are discussing in sex therapy but it’s usually something that comes out. I do a lot of expert opinions for Cosmo magazine and the number one question still received from women year after year is “What can I do to have an orgasm during intercourse?” As if women think there is something wrong with them. The focus on cunnilingus and clitoral stimulation is really all about leveling the playing field in the exchange of pleasure. To get men a real appreciation and understanding of female sexuality that’s not just based on what they see in porn. Interestingly I don’t put SuicideGirls in the category of the types of bad porn that reinforce bad sex. I put it in a hipper newer category of female centric porn.

DRE: When did you first come across SuicideGirls?

IK: About a year ago. I was just really blown away by the empowerment on the site and all the chat. It really caught my eye as the next generation of female centric porn. It is women empowered but still being sexy. I often get asked, why is there such a lack of understanding between men and women,???? porn plays an awful big role in reinforcing a male fantasy of female sexuality without being a real vision of it. For me something like SuicideGirls is the antidote to that.

DRE: How was your experience on the Howard Stern radio show?

IK: It’s funny, I was supposed to go on a few days earlier than I did and they bumped me, then they bumped me again. Then I was going on the day when he was doing this press conference. I thought that there was no way Howard Stern was going to bring me on 15 minutes before this major press conference. But then I got the call and I did it. I knew they were going to give me a really hard time about my premature ejaculation problem and my self professed notion of being the worst lover ever. They did give me a rough time but at the same time they were a little cautious in general. Howard’s people kept telling that they were going to go real easy and that I should let Howard lead me because they were worried about the FCC. Then interestingly in his press conference Howard said something like “I just did this book about oral sex and who doesn’t love oral sex.” He gave me a really hard time and made fun of me but there was a slightly wistful quality to the whole show. There was definitely a lack of some of the exuberance that was in his shows prior to this whole FCC debacle.

DRE: Do you get a lot of emails through the website with people thanking you for doing the book?

IK: Yeah I get a lot of emails from women totally digging the book. I get a lot of emails from guys especially young guys in their late teens and early 20’s that are just starting down the path of adult sexual relationships and thanked me for the book. I also get crazy hate mail. One guy emailed me yesterday and was like “I think you’re a pervert for being so obsessed with female genitalia.” Another guy emailed and told me I was feminized metrosexual who is so zoned out on Seinfeld and Sex in the City that I’ve lost my balls and that I didn’t know the first thing about pleasuring women. So there is a wide spectrum. On the whole,???? the book has been a great platform for starting to cause people to create a dialogue.

DRE: Have you tried these techniques personally?

IK: I have indeed. All of the techniques are really based on sex therapy and what I’ve done is take a lot of the techniques and exercises that are out there for stimulating desire and overlaid my own personal experience and of the people I’ve talked to then to wrap them all in fun names and metaphors.

DRE: What’s your Ph.D. in exactly?

IK: It’s in Clinical Sexology from the American Academy of Clinical Sexologists. It’s a program that leads to becoming a licensed sex therapist. You study human sexual response and sexual dysfunction. I also have a BA from Brandeis in literature and I had a Master’s Degree in Playwriting.

DRE: Have you written plays that have been produced?

IK: Yes, but it was a number of years ago in New York City. I had just gotten out of college I was all about literature and theatre. I was a literature professor at NYU and Columbia. One of my plays was the first American play to ever be produced in Russia. This goes back about ten years but the play is still running.

by Daniel Robert Epstein