What have you done for your
O lately? 27: the number
of minutes it takes the average woman to orgasm.
Most women view their ability (or inability) to achieve awe-inspiring
orgasms as pure luck of the draw. It's as if we think an Orgasm
Fairy comes down and blesses some lucky gals with earth-quaking
O's and the rest of us with climaxes that wouldn't even register
on the Richter scale--and worse, that there's not a heckuva
lot we can do to change our fate. But guess what? There's
something--in fact, there are lots of things--you can do about
the frequency and intensity of your orgasms. And we're not
just talking Kegels (though, yes, those help, too). Here's
what researchers want you to know. Because face it: You can't
spell the words "hot" ... or "love" ...
or "ohmigod" without lots and lots of O's.
* Put a lock on the bedroom door. "It's
one of the best things women with children can do," says
Lou Paget, author of The Great Lover Playbook. "That
simple lock will allow you to concentrate on the sensual sensations
rather than concentrating on whether or not Junior is going
to wander in." And once those anxieties are banished,
you can fully surrender to the moment.
* Order fries with that burger. Potatoes
contain vitamin B5, which is essential to sex-hormone production--and
sex hormones are essential for crossing the finish line. Score!
* Take a peek. Remember on Sex and the
City when Charlotte examined her vagina with a mirror
so she could face her sexual hang-ups? Turns out she was onto
something: "When you know how your most private parts
look with the lights on, you're creating sexual self-awareness
and boosting your body image," says sex therapist Ian
Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. "Both
of those factors will help increase your own sexual response--which
may mean bigger orgasms."
* Treat yourself to a bikini wax. For many
women, the less hair there is down there, the stronger the
O. "Right after I got a Brazilian this summer, I had
this frenzied, crazy sex with my husband, which ended in our
having our first-ever simultaneous orgasms!" recalls
Alex Sena, 35, of Ontario, CA. "I guess it was the friction
or something. Afterward, we both wanted to send my waxer flowers!"
* Just breathe. During orgasm, women tend
to hold their breath, which increases tension and intensifies
sensations--all good! But you will experience deeper orgasms
if you take lots of slow, deep breaths before you climax,
says Elisabeth Lloyd, Ph.D., author of The Case of the
Female Orgasm. "Unlike heart rate or blood pressure,
breathing is the only physiological system affected by intercourse
that can be voluntarily controlled," she explains. "Deep
breathing encourages blood flow to your genitals and increases
sexual energy." So taking lots of deep breaths before
you cross the finish line will leave you even more breathless
when you do.
* Do it more often. "There is definitely
a use-it-or-lose-it aspect to orgasm," Kerner says. "If
you don't contract those sex muscles often enough, it's harder
to have an orgasm the next time." The more you prioritize
happy endings, the more you'll have 'em.
* Psych yourself up. Hypnosis increases arousal
and can even bring on orgasms, according to Shelley Stockwell,
Ph.D., author of Hypnosis: How to Put a Smile on Your
Face and Money in Your Pocket. Intrigued? Try this two-minute
mental foreplay move tonight--hypnotists call it "immediate
regression":
--Close your eyes and visualize the moment when you and he
met, or the first time you made love. "Your body chemistry
changes when revisiting lovely thoughts, and that endorphin
rush you experience via visualization will boost your orgasmic
potential," Stockwell explains.
--Next, as he's kissing your neck and caressing your nether
regions, smile widely--you may feel a little silly, but "smiling
puts your mind at ease while transmitting a palpable sense
of joy to you and your partner," Stockwell says.
--Finally, as you're building to the finish, rattle off a
few affirmations such as "I'm losing control" or
"You're going to give me the best orgasm ever!"
By saying it, you're making it so.
* Talk about sex. If you want to be more
orgasmic, fill your man in on what you're loving and longing
for in bed, say researchers. Not only will that kind of candid
talk build intimacy, but his knowing what flips your switch
will make O's stronger. During the afterglow, Kerner suggests,
tell your partner what rocked about your lovemaking ("I
loved it when you did that ..."), then talk about what
could make it even hotter next time ("It would be such
a turn-on if you did this ...!").
* Sip a cup of warm tea with honey before you bonk.
Not only will the caffeine boost your energy levels, but the
honey also enhances blood levels of testosterone, the hormone
responsible for promoting orgasm in both men and women. Oh,
honey ...!
* Crank up the heat. Getting sweaty can add
heat between the sheets. "When your body temperature
is elevated, your nerve endings are more sensitive and receptive,"
explains Lloyd. To test this theory, turn up the thermostat
or get physical in front of a roaring tire. But don't overdo
it--if you get too overheated, you'll feel burned-out instead
of turned on.
* Touch yourself. Researchers have found
that women who masturbate have more intense orgasms than women
who don't. Once you can make yourself climax, it will be easier
for you to guide your partner to do the same. "Plus,
masturbation increases the flow of blood to the genitals,"
Kerner says, "and this overall vascularity is important
in sexual response." Translation: When your blood is
flowing, you'll soon be glowing!
* Eat red meat. Dining on a thick steak curbs
your body's production of the protein hormone prolactin, which
contributes to sexual dysfunction. So have one medium-rare
steak and you'll be raring to go! (Vegetarian? Eating brown
rice curbs prolactin production too.)
* Duke it out. Some couples get off on fighting
and having makeup sex, because it intensifies orgasm, says
Paget. "That adrenaline rush you get when you're angry
is similar to what happens to your brain when you get turned
on sexually, so it's like you're doubly excited," she
explains. Test this theory after your next tiff subsides:
Give him a long, hot kiss instead of the cold shoulder--then
wait for fireworks.
* Squeeze and release your PC muscles while doing
the deed. "He'll fill you up even more when
you give him a love squeeze, which is a great sensation for
you," says Kerner. "And since an orgasm is a series
of muscular contractions, this exercise can actually trigger
yours--making your climax that much more consuming."
* Get creative. A little fantasy can release
the wild woman within and kick those O's up a notch. In fact,
sex researcher Alfred Kinsey found that 2 percent of women
could achieve orgasm by fantasy alone. "Any time you
use your most powerful sex organ--your brain--to its best
advantage, all sensations will escalate," says Paget.
If you're nervous about sharing, tell your partner you had
a hot "dream" last night, then bare every X-rated
detail.
* Ask him to tug your hair. Reason: The scalp
has millions of nerve endings. When he pulls lightly on your
hair in the home stretch, explains Kerner, endorphins are
released and orgasm is intensified.
* Get on top. Lloyd has pored through 70
years of sex studies and found that in every single one, the
majority of women who reliably had O's during intercourse
were positioned on top. So hop on!
* Stretch each morning. The more flexible
you are out of bed, the more flexible you'll be in bed--which
will help you position yourself for better orgasms, according
to yoga instructor Teigh McDonough, cofounder of Swerve Studio
in Los Angeles. For basic flexibility, she recommends the
"cat': Get on all fours, with your hands directly underneath
your shoulders and your knees directly beneath your hips.
Inhale deeply and arch your back, elongating your spine from
the top of your neck to your tailbone. Look upward slightly.
Then exhale and tuck in your tailbone, dropping your head
and pressing the middle of your spine up toward the ceiling.
Repeat 10 times for better flex and better sex!
*Bend with your knees--never your waist--when picking
up groceries or kids. This will put less strain on
your back muscles. What does this have to do with your sex
life? Plenty: Keeping those lower back muscles strong will
help you position your pelvis for a gigantic O. When he's
on top, being able to push down on your lower back muscles
ensures closer contact, which stimulates your G-spot.
* Have sex with the lights blazing. "Many
women are uncomfortable with their bodies, and want to hide
in the dark," says Kerner. But here's a little secret:
If you fake body confidence, you'll actually feel less self-conscious--and
have hotter sex as a result. "That rush of accomplishment
you get from facing your fear and doing it anyway will pay
off," promises Kerner. So let there be light!
* Empty your head. Write tomorrow's to-do
list before you slip under the sheets, so "I have to
pick up the dry cleaning" doesn't pop into your head
and derail your O. (Getting lipstick on his collar: turn-on.
Obsessing about whether the stain will come out: turn-off!)
"The more you concentrate on the sex you're having,"
says Paget, "the more enjoyable your finish will be."
O my! In the Victorian era, orgasm was considered
the cause of hysteria--and its cure. The myth led to the invention
of the vibrator in the 1880s to cure women of this disorder.
O my! An orgasm is a reflex that occurs when
muscle tension and blood flow to the pelvis reach a pleasurable
peak and are dispersed. Orgasm occurs when the pubococcygeal
(PC) muscle group that supports the pelvic floor spasms rhythmically
at 0.8 second intervals and the heart rate accelerates rapidly
(often as high as 180 beats a minute), slowing down after.
O my! A new sex study from The Berman center
in Chicago found that 55% of women in relationships use vibrators.
Only 34% of single women do the same.
O my! Peak or panic? The parts of the brain
that govern fear and anxiety are actually switched off when
a woman is having an orgasm (they remain active if she is
faking), according to a study conducted in the Netherlands.
So that's the point of the mile-high club....
What has your O done for you lately?
Hmm--how do orgasms help you? Let us count the ways! They
make you feel amazing, alive, goddess-like, bonded to your
man, ready to conquer the world. But there are some more concrete
benefits too, explains Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., coauthor of
Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy.
Orgasms relieve tension. When you climax,
your heart rate speed up, your blood flow increases, and your
muscles contract. But then your entire body relaxes--and all
the tensions pent up in your nervous system melt away.
Orgasms help you sleep. When you peak your
body releases endorphins, which act as natural tranquilizers.
That's why you get that drowsy feeling after lovemaking.
Orgasms help vaginal health. "They keep blood
flowing to your vagina," says Goldman, "And they
help keep you lubricated, which means vaginal muscles won't
atrophy, so you'll have better sex and less incontinence later
in life."
Orgasms burn calories. You burn as many as
200 calories by having an O after a half-hour lovemaking session.
(If you don't climax, you'll burn roughly hall that many calories.)
Orgasms relieve pain. The endorphins and
oxytocin that are released during sex can increase your pain
tolerance by as much as 70 percent. Studies have shown that
having an O relieves menstrual cramps--even after the sex
is over.
Orgasms calm sweets cravings. How? They activate
the production of phenetylamine, a natural amphetamine that
acts as an appetite suppressant.
Remind yourself how much you love him. Orgasms
are more euphoric if you're in love, according to a study
conducted by Gemma O'Brien, Ph.D., of the University of New
England. O'Brien found that the three major brain systems
involved in sexual climax are euphoria, pleasure, and emotion.
The fact that the brain's emotion center lights up during
O proves there's a biological link between sex and love. To
work this mental mojo to your advantage, focus on how much
you adore your man before foreplay, keep your eyes open during
the act, then brace yourself for the frenzied crescendo to
follow.
Sweat a little. Hitting the gym improves
your sex life, according to a University of Arkansas study.
Aerobic exercise, in particular, stimulates the release of
endorphins, which boost libido, and increases blood flow to
the genitals, which ups sexual sensations and satisfaction.
This came as a nice surprise to Jenny Shrum, 31, of Omaha,
who thought exercise would tire her out and kill her desire,
but found that the opposite happened when she started working
out. "Now if I skip Pilates class," she says, "I
notice a difference in the bedroom."
—Julie Taylor
COPYRIGHT 2005 Hearst Communications, Inc. All Rights Reserved
